Beauty jokes

We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.

We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

Girls with the name Zoe have big foreheads.

Why did the girl 👧 bring lipstick 💄 to beauty school?

Because she had a make-up exam.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born pretty, what happened to you?

One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.

(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

You're so ugly your hairline ran away!

My teacher called me beautiful. I hate when she lies.

Your favorite artist must be Rihanna, the way your forehead shines bright like a diamond!

Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"

Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."

I'll give you an A because you're awesome.

B because you're beautiful.

A C because you're caring.

And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.

A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?

B: I don't know.

A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...

B: ...

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I was born pretty, what happened to you?

Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.

Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!

Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!

Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!