Beat

Beat jokes

Trump

    • "(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:

    ......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....

    STUMP: TEENY DICK

    BUMP: TINY TIT

    GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

    MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE

    LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED

    UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

    RUMP: AN ASS

    DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

    HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

    PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --

    JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!

    .... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............

    (endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')

    "OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"

    (quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."

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    • Sticker

    • When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

  • 0

    • Pedo

    • 101 pedo jokes.

    Why's everything x2, need to get this shit dick off before the coppers come, it's called women taking advantage, you'll shit the bitcoin, 90% percent of pedo's who don't admit they're like kids blame the police, shit your kappas, you only want my veins why don't you inject me with smack, run in with ya black armbands, I've been sized for a million pound, stop giving me strain asking questions, I know what's going to happen next, bet the judge is a women, jealous coz your drink tastes like shit?

    Is it coz your shit though? How many bids have you done? Shit 1 million views, don't try bribe me, did the police give me snip? How's my barbie doll or shall I say my little pony? The police beat fuck outta me, what's all these needle marks on my arm, I can tell you want something, why's everything like one big cycle, police own the dark web.

    Keep it going on lol.

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    • Beat memes

    Dog

    • Why do I call my dog a vibrator?

    Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.

  • 0

    • Police

    • Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

    Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

    Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

    Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

    Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

    Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

    Police: ... Child: 😊

    Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

    Enemy

    • If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.

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    • Hockey

    • Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?

    It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.

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