Beat jokes
If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
Dear Hearing People,
We, deaf people, ain’t dead. We can use our hands to talk, eat & fist your face to give you some 💡 awareness that we can understand you 💯 meanwhile we laugh at you 🤡 We can even dance via vibration through music.
Do you know the song w lyric like this 👇 *white b.... accent: Ohhh.. MY God BECKY.. L👀k at her butt. IT is SO BIG. *BIG BEAT DROP* I...LIKE...BIG...BUTT...I cannot LIE 👻 I promise we ain’t ghosting around - Brittany Rose.
You're so emo, even Billie Eilish can't beat you!
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
What’s a rapper’s favorite MUSICAL NOTE?
G major.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
The egg that beat Kylie Jenner.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?
You move the chairs.
Why did I beat up the orphan? Because he was a whiny bitch who wouldn't shut the fuck up.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.
What do you do when you're bored?
Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?
Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because they wanted to bake some BEATS.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because they could always count on their beats!