Steven hawking walks into a bar… no I’m just kidding.

When we were visiting the hoover dam. I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, “Wheres the dam snack bar?”

So a blind man walks into a bar.

At least he thinks so.

Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?

A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!

What did the drunk women said to the man after leaving the bar? Alcohol-you later

An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: “you mathematicians don’t know your limits.”

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”

A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What’s got you down" The man says “I just found out my Niece is gay.” The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks “What’s got you down now?” The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?" The man says “My wife does.”

What did the blind man fight in the bar?

The coat rack

A Horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

A nucleus walked into a bar, he asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”

A hamburger walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “I’m sorry. We don’t serve food here.”

A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.

A priest, a rapist, a pedophile and a homosexual walk into a bar…

He orders a drink.

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter, he approaches her and says “Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion but I was curious to know if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?” The young lady smiles and says “That’s a lot of money, of course I would.” The doctor smiles and says “That’s interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?” The young lady says “What are you joking? That’s no money at all, Of course I wouldn’t, what do you think I am?” The Doctor smiles again and says “We already established what you are, now we’re trying to establish a price.”

A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

A blind man walk into a bar…and a table…and a chair…and the counter

you

The Barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

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