A priest, a rapist, a pedophile and a homosexual walk into a bar…

He orders a drink.

A Chicken walks into a Bar.

He Orders Dr. Pepper

He then lays a good Scrambled Egg.

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter, he approaches her and says “Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion but I was curious to know if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?” The young lady smiles and says “That’s a lot of money, of course I would.” The doctor smiles and says “That’s interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?” The young lady says “What are you joking? That’s no money at all, Of course I wouldn’t, what do you think I am?” The Doctor smiles again and says “We already established what you are, now we’re trying to establish a price.”

A blind man walk into a bar…and a table…and a chair…and the counter

A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts!”

The Barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names the bartender asks. The American says William Matthews. The Asian says Same Ting

A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.”

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?”

The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”

A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says “oh my god your shoulders are broad!” another woman says “are you sure it’s a woman?”

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.

The bartender shakes his head, and says.

"Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk superman.

Steven Hawking walks into a bar… Yeah.

(Not Original Joke)

A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.

After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.

After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it and she replied, “Its a bad habit”

A Weasle walks into a bar the bartender says “Wow I’ve never served a weasle before, what can I get you?” “Pop”, goes the weasle.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, “Bartender, how much do I owe you?”

The bartender replies, “For you, neutron, no charge.”

two husbands walk into a bar the first one says my wife is an angel the second one says your lucky mine is still alive

you

Steven hawking walks into a bar… no I’m just kidding.

What is the suns favorite chocolate bar? A Milky Way 😱

Helen Keller walked into a bar. Then a table. Then a chair.

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