Bar jokes
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂
Two Chinese men walk into a bar.
"Owwwwwwwwwww," they say instead of "ouch."
Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?
Because she got Avogadro's number!
Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.
Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?
A: They fall.
(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)
What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
Because he was afraid of getting LOST in the BARS.
James Bond walks into a saloon where Michael J. Fox is tending bar. He says, "I’ll have a martini, shaken, not stirred."
Michael turns to him and says, "How else would I serve it?"
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."
Three gay guys walk into a bar.
There is only one stool left, what do they do?
They flip the stool over.
What's the best part of being an orphan?
All the chips and candy bars are family sized.
These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"
The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"
Three conspiracy theories walked into a bar, now tell me that's not a coincidence!
What did the rapper say to the fridge? (Part 2)
“I'm HUNGRY for some BARS!"