Bar jokes
A horse and a bear walk into a bar... Oh wait, can't tell that one!
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”
The bartender says, “No, only women.”
The man then leaves.
Why would a Italian heterosexual male do for $100.00 if he was a prostitute that a polish american male would only do for a Klondike bar if he was a prostitute?
suck a big cock.
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.
My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
Past, present, and future walked into a bar... things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"
An Irish man walks out of a bar. It can happen.