What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you donโt walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
A limbo champion walks into a bar.
What do you call a male prostitute in a bar...
Handy Andy.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."
The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."
First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"
Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
๐ซ ๐ ๐ ๐ค ๐ณ ๐ฌ ๐ ๐
๐ฅด ๐บ ๐บ ๐บ ๐บ ๐บ ๐บ ๐บ
๐ธ๐ธ ๐ธ๐ธ ๐ธ๐ธ ๐ธ ๐ธ ๐ท ๐ท ๐ท ๐ท ๐ท ๐ท ๐ท๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด ๐ฅด
๐ด ๐ด ๐ด ๐ด
Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? ๐คช ๐
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.
You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
