Girl

PackersFan

Is Google a girl or a boy?

Obviously a Girl, because it won’t let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.

Woman

ThatGuy420

A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please.’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’

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Drunk

THE FUNNY DUDE

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

Red

Anonymous

What’s red and bad for your teeth? – A brick.

0

Field

Allison

A scare crow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field

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Time

Anonymous

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait

Brown

Lily

What’s brown and rather bad for your dental health? -A baseball bat

2

Wife

Your Mom

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm.” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

2

Die

Robot.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

4
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Orphan

BB revititito

Is it bad to hit an orphan?it’s not like they’ll tell there parents.

0

Sadness

Funny 13 yr old

So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree

To bad he left him hanging

Wife

Damyanl27

My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

Bus

Anonymous

Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver

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Girlfriend

Tanner

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

Offensive

Cheesedick

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they’re always coming out of the closet

9

Eating

Daniel King

Why do horses 🐴 eat with their mouth open?

Because they have bad stable manners.

Lost

Anonymous

Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

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Virgin

Anonymous

What do u call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7 A: a virgin

0

Orphan

Jokes4Days

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

They can never make it home

6

Rip

Anonymous

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip off.