Bad jokes

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.

If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.

Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.

Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."

I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

My pencil sharpener when I bleed:

And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

Being an orphan isn't all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family-sized.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"

I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

Why are gay people so bad at math? Because they can't multiply.

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....

Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.

People call me a bad person, but just the other day I saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents. I love working at the orphanage.

I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.

Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.