Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? – He doesn’t stand for anything.
I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun… Then it dawned on me
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying , Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died and two weeks later Bob woke up to Brad’s voice. Brad said I’ve got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you’re up to bat next.
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won’t separate the whites from the colors…
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamus
wife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
We’re skipping April fools day this year, the biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it and she replied, “Its a bad habit”
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle?
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad( chicken Caesar salad )
Why are cats bad storytellers? – Because they only have one tale.
I was hit on by president kennedy, too bad i shot him down
you want to know the bad thing? only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette
What is burned dark and glued to the wall? A bad electrician
Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?