Bad jokes

It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:

Bullys are depressed.

Nerds are depressed.

Bad girls/boys are depressed.

Kind humans are depressed.

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.

Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

I am reading a horror book in braille.

Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!

Your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter than it.

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?

A: Because BB-8 it.

Ya it's bad:)

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.

Patient: What's the good news?

Doctor: I've got you flowers.

Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?

Doctor: They're for your grave.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Why are the Chinese bad at baseball? Because they already ate the bat!

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.