Bad jokes
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
Memes
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
I love all races, even the bad ones.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
Jack and Jill went up the Jill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny, but Jack had a shock with a mouthful of cock because was actually a tranny.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.