Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?
He kept making strikes.
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
What's white and can't climb a tree?
A refrigerator.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.
And your IQ is 5.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
