Bad jokes
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
Memes
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
I love all races, even the bad ones.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Jack and Jill went up the Jill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny, but Jack had a shock with a mouthful of cock because was actually a tranny.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.