Back Jokes

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheel chair, she'll come crawling back.

so if the reason people used to hang women because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung would they be called wizards?

Whats the difference between my car and a school bus. A school bus takes them back home

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now. He just moved back in with his mom.

why is the sea salty? because the land never waves back

My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother carl. he got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. when we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. it was pretty cholerious.

And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up and I'll see you on Monday

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

Where's a cannibals favorite place to eat?

Chilli's. Because they got them baby back ribs.

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

Is Stephen hawking under warranty, if so can I bring him back to currys pc world?

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again

Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex Oh were you talking to me I thought you only talked behind my back Hold still I am trying to imagine you with a personality

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.

Then I realize "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am wan kin the chef." I said that I'll come back later

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.