Baby jokes
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet? Beets stain your teeth.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch some pail of water.
Jack came down, and then Jill came tumbling after, so they had a baby...
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."
How do Asians name their babies?
They throw pots and pans around.
"Ching, Chang, Clang!"
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.
We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.