My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Baby Jokes
I heard China aborts 25% of female babies. That's a lot of dead 3-year-old gender-affirmed girls.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
How do Chinese people name their babies?
They chuck a pan down the stairs.
How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.
I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
They are delicious.
Gently throw a baby off a ten story building!
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀
What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!
Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
Moto Moto, stop giving the baby your d*ck!
Two Asian people have a black baby.
Something wrong.
