Baby jokes
They are delicious.
Gently throw a baby off a ten story building!
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀
What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!
Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
Moto Moto, stop giving the baby your d*ck!
Two Asian people have a black baby.
Something wrong.
How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.
Why was the baby Dinosaur an orphan?
His family was blown up by meteors.
Fall coming 🍁 grab you a hoodie & sum1's thick thigh baby mama to keep you warm 😌🍂
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"
Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.