Baby Jokes

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

Read more: 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old

you know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?" How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV His daughter comes in and says "dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! Its because when you were born a rose peddle fell on your head." "Cool" Rose said.

The second daughter walked in and said "dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied,"Oh! its because when you were a baby, a daisy peddle fell on your head." "Awesome" Daisy said.

The third daughter came in and said "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"

What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.

What has hands but can’t clap?

A thalidomide baby.

You should always wash your sex toys, thats why priests baptise babies

What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?

Hitting it off with a cricket bat

I don't get this why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there.

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best Lubricant for anal sex?

-No more tears.

Lucas is a baby a little girl ooo

Your mum is a baby huh not little baby

Alabama. Every time there's a family reunion a baby is born 9 months later.

Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him Sudden Lee.

i went to the store because i ha to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because i was playing mario kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma lik if yu creyre everitime

Welcome to arbys, where your babies become our gravy!

Yep f someone says to you” I can’t roast trash” say well some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother

If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?