Attitude Jokes

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.

This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"

His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"

Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?

Because they got little dicks and big mouths.

If you're feeling mad, punch an autistic kid. What's he gonna do, blabber to the teacher?

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"

yaaaaa

A split image of a chihuahua. On the left, it's snarling with teeth bared and the text says "My voice in real life". On the right, it's smiling sweetly and the text says "My customer service voice".

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!

Quote of the day:

A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.

Chao!!!

"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"

I have a joke about lazy people!

Actually... forget it... it won't work.

Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.

I dislike the UK with a great taste.

We clap when we see you. We clap our hands over our eyes.

My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!

The homophobes writing these jokes.

I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.