Attitude jokes
He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"
Are you getting tired of life? Yes? Then call 180 go fuck yourself.
It's not our problem.com That's 180 go fuck yourself it's not our problem.com
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!
Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal.
Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
Have you ever tried anal bleaching?
It really helps assholes lighten up.
What the fuck is wrong with people?
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
Why does everyone respect midgets and dwarves?
They never look down on anyone.
If you're gay, does that mean you're sexist?
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
Everyone has a good heart; they just don't know what to do with it. I say give someone some love. Hate is sooooo stupid. Love is soooo smart!
Why are gay men so rude? Because they're fucking assholes.
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.