Attitude jokes
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"
To anyone suffering from low self esteem:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UTymDoPOEnY
He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal.
Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
What the fuck is wrong with people?
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
Why does everyone respect midgets and dwarves?
They never look down on anyone.
If you're gay, does that mean you're sexist?
Have you ever tried anal bleaching?
It really helps assholes lighten up.
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
Everyone has a good heart; they just don't know what to do with it. I say give someone some love. Hate is sooooo stupid. Love is soooo smart!
Why are gay men so rude? Because they're fucking assholes.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.