An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
My Friend said having sex is alot like your first football game
Your bloody and bruised but at least your dad was there
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet? At least when a bullet kills someone it’s actually fired
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
Friend: You're adopted.
Orphan: At least I was chosen!
Friend: At least I was kept.
I would have loved to ride the Titanic at least once ;)
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Bully: Ha, guess what?
Nerd: What?
Bully: You are adopted.
Nerd: At least I was wanted!
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!
British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎
Her: I love Kobe Bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?
At least gorillas don't abort their own.
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"
"No," replies the adopted kid.
"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.
If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.
Like if you dislike emos.
