Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
Why do orphans play Minecraft? So they can at least build a home.
The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
