At least jokes

Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.

Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.

If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.

What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.

How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?

At least 13 because my basement is still dark.

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."

Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."

Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"