Assassination jokes

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.

JFK and Abraham Lincoln were terrible presidents. It's like their heads were empty.

You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!

What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?

They were both killed by Romans.

What do I think about the Kennedy assassination?

First of all, he should have had a roof on that car.

Please don't kill [me].

Why were people sad when John F. Kennedy got shot? All he got was head.

JFK's wife trying to grab his head be like "him in heaven." Why did I marrei her? Welp, time for a devorsin'.