Assassination Jokes

JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech

Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?

A: They were both shot in a theater.

I got a phone call from a guy labled 'assassin' saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w-

*gunshot*

I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.

Fun Fact: Did you know JFK brain was so big it covered a whole entire limousine

When the person who killed jfk he heard headshot

What’s Christian and holey?

JFK

Person: So you know that persons name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dea Friend: Yeah John Wilkes Booth Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln. Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that." The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."

Have you driven through Dealey plaza it will blow your mind~john f. Kennedy

what do you call a butt that kills people? An ASSassin :)

Have you seen the inside of Ford's theatre it will blow your mind~abraham Lincoln

If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What do you call Chinese assassin? Chinese takeout

Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head just because his wife Said he was close minded

No one

Absolutely no one

The History Channel at 11:00 PM: Who really killed JFK

An assassin is about to shot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience,."

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need. Grenades, guns, ammo unless it was bolted down it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude. When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?", he asks. "Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.