Assassination jokes

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...

Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?

Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.

Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.

The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.

Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.

What do you call a bullet head?

JFK.

How do you make any salad a Caesar salad?

Stab it 23 times!

Nobody:

JFK: :) Hi guys!

JFK's killer: Ayo look at this shit, I just hit a clip.

A skeleton decided to become an assassin.

He was always skull-king around!

John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."

Fiancee: "Break a leg!"

"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."

"If you got a question, just shoot!"

CIA: Where's your head at?

JFK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The death of JFK must have splattered on the news.

Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?

He ended with a Black Handed bang.

President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."

That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

No one:

Literally no one:

Abraham Lincoln: *dies*

John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*