Assassination jokes
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?
A bullet.
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
What category of music did JFK like?
You could say he was a metalhead.
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.
Some people said that JFK had big parties. Some even would say they were *mind blowing*.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
What is white with red all over?...
JFK.
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
Fun Fact: Did you know JFK's brain was so big it covered a whole entire limousine?
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination, but he did go everywhere.
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
I will pay someone to kill me.