Assassination jokes
Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last person who had a dream got shot.
President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."
That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
The death of JFK must have splattered on the news.
CIA: Where's your head at?
JFK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Some people said that JFK had big parties. Some even would say they were *mind blowing*.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."
"If you got a question, just shoot!"
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.