Asked jokes

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."

The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"

I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.

I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?

"Nunya business!"

Yo mama is so stupid that she asked how much is a free sample.

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."

Lesbians when the GPS asks them to go straight.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!

Gay people when the GPS asks them to go straight.

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

Yo mama so dumb, when her computer was asking for cookies, she grabbed a cookie, smashed it onto the screen, and broke the computer.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"

Dad said, "It is, Son."

Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"

I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"

Jonny went to Disney and they had sour balls. He asked the cashier for some and he pulled down his pants.

Why did the blind man cross the road?

Don't ask me, he can't even see where he's going.

My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.