Asked jokes

"I want to know who this fake me is! I haven't even posted or commented on anything bad or said a curse. I am very kindly asking you to stop."

Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.

I feel weird to ask this, but can anyone guess my real name?

#Imbored

I saw a little kid cry. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. Jeez, I love working at the orphanage!

I went up to an orphan and asked where their parents were--they stared.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.

The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.

My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

A man walks into an AA meeting and asks for a roadmap.

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...

I was two tired.

How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?

Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.

Did you hear about the tourist that came to New York? Good, because they were a terrorist... When they were asked why they were traveling, they just mispronounced it.

Nechen has been writing articles for the class for years.

Then the Guru asked him, "If I die now, what will be on my grave?" Fritchen searched for the plastic bag and shouted, "This is a protective bag!!"

My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.

I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.

When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:

"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"

My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:

Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*