Asked jokes

I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

I asked, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

I asked, "What do they do there?"

He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

How do you annoy Pinocchio?

Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"

My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.

Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?

Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.

Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."

After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"

Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."

My dad asked, "Where are you going?"

Me: "Back to the orphanage."

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"

A starving homeless kid asks me for food.

I said, "sorry, my plate is full."

What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

I don't know either.

Why do you think I asked you? ;)