Arrest

Arrest jokes

Lawyer

    • A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

    An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."

    But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"

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    • Oral

    • It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

    Weird.

    Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

  • 1

    • History class

    • In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

    One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

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    • Arrest memes

    Barber

    • Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.

  • 2

    • Boss

    • My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

  • 2

    • Cliff

    • COP: Are you high?

    ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

    COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.

  • 1

    • Suspicion

    • I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

    Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

  • 3

    • Guard

    • Bowser ordered his Goomba guards to arrest me because I wrote graffiti on the walls saying "The Koopalings are evil!" "Kill the Koopalings!" and "Down with the Koopalings!"

  • 0

    • Cop

    • How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

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    • Pervert

    • Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

    He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

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