Arrest jokes
Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
Why was the belt placed under arrest?
For holding up a pair of pants. 🤣
Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
Why can’t an orphan get arrested?
Because they're not wanted.
Why did a cop in the 1960s cross the road? To arrest a faggot for cross-dressing.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.