Ares jokes

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

So if you are bored, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?🙄🙄

What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.

Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.

Roses are red, fishers are fishing,

I really hope you’ll be reported missing.

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory!

What are fish not allowed to have?

Seaweed.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.