Ares jokes

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?

Because no one misses them.

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.

Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

So if you are bored, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?🙄🙄

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

Roses are red, fishers are fishing,

I really hope you’ll be reported missing.

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

What are fish not allowed to have?

Seaweed.