Ares jokes
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball?
Because they ate all the bats.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
Are you George Floyd?
Cause you take my breath away! 😮💨
Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.
After a while, a student stands up.
Teacher: So you think you are stupid?
Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.
This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."