Ares jokes
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball?
Because they ate all the bats.
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪