Ares jokes
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Being raped until feminists are offended and butthurt.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
Why are Orphans so bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!