Ares jokes

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?

2 slices of Brad.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?

None of them are straight.

Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?

There are Targets everywhere.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.

Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...

...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.

Why are Indians so good at football?

Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.

Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.