Ares jokes
Donkeys are cool.
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
What are a group of depressed people called?
A suicide squad.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"
Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."
Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
The difference between dark jokes and morbid is,
dark jokes are 10 babies in 1 trash can, and
morbid jokes are 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are he he.
What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.