Ares jokes
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
Donkeys are cool.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"
Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."
Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."