Ares jokes
Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?
They are both jokers.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.
Who jumps the highest?
The emos; some of them are still in the air.
Hi, I like emos because they are black.
Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Why is it so easy to roast an orphan?
What are they gonna do, run home and tell their parents?
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
A girl is meeting this Muslim for a date, and she asks him, "So are you Indian?"
And the Muslim goes, "No, bitch, I ain't 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11!"
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
People's music when friends are around: *rock*
When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
9/11 jokes are a bomb!