Ares jokes
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
Why don't the giraffes go to elementary school? Because they are already in high school.
Roses are red. I love hot food. If I was a bad bitch, I'd wanna fuck me too.
Oh wait, I am.
Good day tomorrow, and what day are they still good today? Good time. Love day! A great night time and...
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”
Women say men are trash.
Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
Hey Gwen, how are you? I'm a girl, btw...;)
I love telling jokes about orphans. I mean, what are they going to do about it? Tell their parents?
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
Why can't Jordan moan? Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.