Ares jokes
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why do tables never need wheelchairs? Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"
My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*
Hey D.K., how are you? :)
Love you!
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.
Two Arabs are swapping jokes. One cracks up and yells, "Man, that joke was an absolute blast!"
Tyler is ugly.
If you are called Tyler, change your name.
Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.
One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."
The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."
Why are life and a penis alike?
Women make both of them hard.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born pretty, what happened to you?