Ares jokes
Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.
Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
My dad asked, "Where are you going?"
Me: "Back to the orphanage."
What does "A" say to "ss"?
"We are the perfect couple. We make Ass."
Why is the Rubik’s cube record holder always American?
Because Americans are really good at separating colors.
Are you gay? Yeah, because I loved you.
America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"
UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.
America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖
If you got a crush and you are a 👧🏻 girl, let him lick 👅 your vagina.
Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏
Roses are red, Violet are blue, Ur dad bought you.
What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?
They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.
I saw a kid on the curb. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at the orphanage!
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
I love making jokes about orphans!
What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
These are some of the greatest names ever: Dixie Normous, Dixie Rekt, Ka Monmi, Ice Wallow Kum, Dick Sinsider, Anita Biggerman.
What's the difference between a grape and an elephant?
I don't know, what?
They are both purple except for the elephant.
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan because what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?