Ares jokes

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?

Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...

Why are birds good at social media?

Because they "tweet" all the time!?

Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"

I never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

Why are gay guys so rude?

Because they’re fucking assholes.

Me: *posts random joke about a duck*

That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."

That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."

Bro it’s a joke...

How are boobs and toys similar?

Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.

What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?

They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.

One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.