Ares jokes
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They’re always so twisted!
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.
Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.
Jokers are all about the delivery.
Except abortion jokes...
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.