Ares jokes
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!
Friend: Want to play Fall Guys?
Friend 2: Yup.
Friend: Ok, so let me ju- wait, where are you going?
Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off.
Friend: Why?
Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.
What are emos' favorite TV show theme song?
Beyblade, Beyblade, let it rip!
Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.
These 9/11 jokes are just plane wrong.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
Sex has no feeling with our cousin. Because both are relative.
All the lines on the LGBT flag are straight.
Roses are red, clovers are green.
I love your legs and what's in between. LOL
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.
Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"
The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈