Ares jokes
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
Why can't an orphan get offended?
What are they gonna do, tell their mom?
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.