Ares jokes
I was at the orphan place, and I saw a kid crying. And I asked him where his parents are, and he fainted.
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because the parents are in every episode.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I’m expensive, sorry. 💵💸
I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"
If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Like if you have a dick, or you are an orphan.
What do you do when you're sad?
Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex!
Dad: We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!