Appearance jokes

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.

I cry when you leave the room. They're tears of joy because you have an ugly hairline.

You are so fat, you are fatter than the fattest.

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

You're so ugly not even your mom thinks you're beautiful.

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...

Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?

Wife: You have good eyesight.

Your mama is so ugly, she makes the devil cry.

I love your hair today.

How did you get it to come out your nose like that?

I was playing FIFA and out of nowhere the game glitched during a penalty shootout.

Pionel Pessi appeared out of nowhere, took my pen and skied it. Thanks to him, I'm out of UCL and was sacked in Career Mode. Shame on you Pessi!😡😡😡😡

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

You're so bald, the reflection off your head is blinding people in India.

Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.

Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you, I had to use accessibility.

Yo mama so ugly, it made the world stop spinning.

Your forehead is so big your soulmate didn't even want you.

Your reflection.

Your hairline is so far back, scientists consider it a ninth planet.