Appearance jokes

Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead because of you.

Actually, not because of you... because of your face.

When Trump goes to the beach, he doesn't use suntan lotion. He uses Dorito dust, and it stays on for the rest of his life.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.

What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?

Your next door grumpy old neighbor.

Bully: Your mom gay.

Me: There's something on your chin.

Bully: Where?

Me: No, on your fourth one.

"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?

If I looked like Stephen Hawking, I would also be an atheist.

Site nearly as dead as my trim.

Yo mama fat as fuck.

Mirrors don't lie, and lucky for you, they don't laugh.

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer can't explore it!

So, there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof! Appears the genie!

The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes."

The white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."

Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

Levi and Andrew are fat.

1, 2 look at your shoes.

3, 4 they look better than yours.

5, 6 you have no friends.

7, 8 you look like a ape.

9, 10 don't you like men?

11, 12 hell naw I like females.

I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.

How to become a monkey?

Put a red dot on your forehead.

Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.

He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.

He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.

Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."