Appearance jokes
You are so fat, you are fatter than the fattest.
You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.
What is Donald Trump's hairstyle called?
A comb-over.
Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?
Pretty nuts!
Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
It may be weird to let people smell your hair, but grab the phone as soon as the dwarf says your hair smells nice.
You're so ugly, that's why me and your hairline go far back.
Yo hairline is so far back that it was there before the Big Bang happened.
If your hairline was a river, it would meander left, right, and backwards.
You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
Yo mama so hairy that she got a haircut and lost 47 pounds.
Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!
Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.
Teacher: Why are you late!
Girl: I need my beauty sleep.
Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.
Your hairline be looking like the Great Recession.
Your hairline is so pushed back it looks like Will Smith slapped it back.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thought Shrek was ugly, until I saw you.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was little, she had to trick-or-treat by phone.