Appearance jokes
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
Did the sun just come out, or did you just smile at me?
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"
rate me out of 10 ik im ugly im 13 :(
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
Obama was America's first black president, and Trump was their first orange one.
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!
(Bully) Boy, you ugly!
(Me) Boy, shut up, that's why your hairline start at the back of your head.
Yo mama so ugly, she got a lifetime ban from KFC for ordering too many burgers.
Your sister: You're so ugly.
Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.
Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.
It's like your hairline and your forehead had a disagreement.